When the words spicy, books and women are in the same sentence, it sends the patriarchy and its puritanical beliefs into a panic. In this panic, headlines like “Spicy books are ruining literature”, “Women´s standards become too high because of spicy books” and “Women are reading porn” are pushed onto women readers in an attempt to shame them back into the kitchen.

Society often shames women for doing something they love when it falls outside the tiny box it wants them to stay in. You know the tiny box where women aren´t allowed to have bodies let alone show a part of it. Where they aren´t allowed to talk or think about sex, but are expected to be the best bed partner ever. Where they should be a prize to be gawked at but not heard. The box where women should be all body and no brain, because they are easier to control that way.

People offer countless reasons why women should be shamed for reading spicy books—supposedly to protect their delicate feminine sensibilities, of course. Let’s break those down and debunk them.

Are women who read spice okay?

Women readers are constantly met with concern, as if enjoying a spicy book means something must be wrong—’Are you okay?’ they ask. The easy answer to that is probably no, because let’s face it, in today´s society who actually is okay? But women are not less okay because they read. This question is pretty much calling women who enjoy spicy books mentally unwell. Given the existing stigma around women and sexuality, this question only reinforces harmful beliefs and adds to the shame placed on women who read books that depict sex.

Spicy books are ruining literature (but only when women write and read it)!

Never have I heard anyone say that George R. R. Martin is ruining literature with his book series A Song of Ice and Fire even though it has spicy scenes. Not only does the series have more spicy scenes than the average spicy book written by women, the majority of those scenes depict violent sex, incest, paedophilia and rape. Yet, Martins spicy book series isn´t ruining literature. It is depicting themes true to the time it was inspired by. As far as I recall, ice zombies and dragons didn´t exist in medieval time, but perhaps my history books have it wrong.

It seems that an army of dead people and a mother of dragons is more believable than a man who thinks consent is sexy and wants the woman he is intimate with to orgasm at least once. If A Song of Ice and Fire´s violent depictions of sex are true to the time its set in, how come a romance novel set in our day and age that depicts two consenting adults being intimate and both enjoying it isn´t true to its time? Because society doesn´t place any importance on a woman´s consent or pleasure. That is simply unimaginable!

The people using this argument seem to have missed that humans have been reading and writing spicy books for as long as stories have existed. No matter the genre, certain truths remain constant. Even the most fictional stories are rooted in elements of our real world. One of the biggest elements is love. Platonic, romantic or otherwise. Love is in everything we consume. From Marvel to Pride and Prejudice; Lord of the Rings to Bridgerton. From Transformers to The Notebook; The Odyssey to Pretty Woman. Love is all around. How that love is depicted, from no spice to five red hot peppers, doesn´t decide its worth.

Women´s standards are too high!

Women´s standards are not high enough! Whatever lies below hell, that´s where the bar is. Society loves to tell women they are too much and that their standards are too high. Whereas most women will be shocked when a man does the bare minimum because it´s so rare. In real life that is. In spicy books, it´s a whole different story.

Consent is not only the bare minimum, but also a key word in spicy books. Words like worship, goddess and love are prevalent in spicy scenes. In books men will voluntarily crawl over a bed of nails to get to the woman they love.

In real life, there is a huge emotional and physical deficit when it comes to romantic relationships. And no, I´m not talking about the “male loneliness epidemic”. I am talking about the deficit that has existed for centuries. Women´s pleasure hasn´t been secondary to the man´s, it has been non – existent. Women´s consent, whether within a marriage, relationship or with a stranger, has not been important to our society.

Unlike most real-life men, book men make sure their partner feels safe and protected. They always make sure their woman is satisfied, which includes aftercare. To want a partner who not only makes you feel safe and makes sure you consent to whatever is happening in or out of the bedroom, but who prioritises your pleasure just as much as his own is not asking for too much. If anything, spicy books encourage women to know their worth and choose partners who treat them as such.

Spicy books are porn!

Not only is this, by the definition of porn, incorrect, it´s also wildly inaccurate. Spicy books, which more often than not, includes less than 5% of spice, is comparable with a movie that includes on-screen intimacy. The only book genre that could possibly be compared to porn is erotica. Even then, it´s not even comparable. Porn uses real-life people, and can depict violent sex that leads to dangerous situations, especially for women.

Erotica and spicy books in turn depicts fictional characters who are consenting adults exploring their sexuality and deepening their relationship. Intimate scenes in spicy books often act as a plot point where the story comes to a climax (pun not intended). Spicy scenes in books aren´t just there for the readers pleasure, but to deepen the relationship between the main character and the love interest. That is in and of itself incomparable with an industry that puts real-life people at risk.

Spicy books are incredibly important!

Last, but most certainly not least, spice in books is extremely important. It shows women examples of healthy relationships. It also gives them a safe space to explore their own sensuality. This is especially true for women, like me, who have experienced sexual assault or other bad interactions in relation to sex. Through books, people can explore the world of sex from the safety and comfort of their own home. Without having to interact with a partner or physically engage in sex of any variety, intimate scenes depicted in books are a gateway to learn, think about and experience sexual intimacy. Thanks to trigger warnings and blurbs, women can also adhere to their own limits as well as learn the importance of their own consent and pleasure.

And if you ever question if you are bad or feel like you should be ashamed for enjoying spicy books, just remember that any time you pick one up and flick through those pages, you´re defying the patriarchy and that inherently makes you good.